We All Are Perfectly Imperfect

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Thank you all for accepting me. Thank you very much. Well, I always start my talk with some disclaimer. And that disclaimer is that I never claimedto be a motivational speaker. Yes, I do speak. But I feel like a storyteller. Because where ever I go I share a story with everyone. I believe in the power of words. Many people speak before they think. But I know the value of words. Words can make you, break you, they can healyour soul, they can damage you forever. So, I always try to use positive words inmy life. Wherever I go, they call it adversity, I callit opportunity. They call it a weakness, I call it strength. They call me to disable, I call myself differentlyable. They see my disability.

They see my disability. I see my ability. There are some incidents that happened inyour life. And those incidents are so strong that theychange your DNA. Those incidents and accidents are so strongthat they break you physically. They deform your body but they transform yoursoul. Those incidents break you, deform you butthey mold you into the best version of you. And the same thing happened to me. And I am going to share what exactly happenedto me. I was 18 years old when I got married. I belong to a very conservative family, aBaloch family. My father wanted me to get married and allI said was if that makes you happy, I will say ‘YES’. and of course, it was nevera happy marriage. Just about after 2 years of getting married,about 9 years ago, I met a car accident. Somehow my husband fell asleep and the carfell into the ditch. He managed to jump out, saved himself. I am happy for him. But I stayed inside the car and I lot of injuries. My right arm was fractured, whist was fractured,shoulder bone and collarbone was fractured.

And because of the rib cage injury, lungsand liver were badly injured. I couldn’t breathe. I lost urine control. That’s why I have to wear the bag whereever I go. But that injuries changed me and my life completely. As a person, my perception towards livingmy life was the spine injury. My backbone was completely crushed. And I got paralyzed for the rest of my life. So this accident took place in a far-flungarea of Balochistan where there was no first aid, no hospital, no ambulance. I was in the middle of nowhere. Many people came to rescue. They drag me out of the car. While they were dragging me out I got thecomplete transaction of my spinal cord. And now there was this debate going on, shouldwe keep it here, she is going to die, or where should we go. There was no ambulance. The was one four wheeler jeep standing inthe corner of the street. They said, put her in the back of the jeepand take her to the hospital which is 3 hours away from this place. And I still remember that bumpy ride. I was all broken. They threw me in the back of the jeep andthey rushed me to the hospital. That is where I realized that my half bodywas paralyzed and half body was fractured. I finally ended up in a hospital where I two and a half months. I underwent multiple surgeries. Doctors have put a lot of titanium in my armsand there was a lot of titanium on my back to fix my back. That’s why, In Pakistan, people called methe ‘Iron Lady’ of Pakistan. Sometimes I wonder how easy it is for me todescribe all this all over again. And somebody has rightly said that when youshare your story and it doesn’t make you cry, that means you are healing. Those two and a half months, in the hospital,were droughtful.

I will not make a story just to inspire you. I was on the verge of dis-pare. One day the doctor came to me, and he said,well I heard that you want to be an artist, but you ended up being a housewife. I have bad news for you. You won’t be able to paint again becauseyour wrist and arm are so deformed. You won’t be able to hold the pen again. And I stayed quiet. Next day, the doctor came to me and said,your spine injury is so bad you won’t be able to walk again. I took a deep breath. And I said it’s alright. Again, Next day the doctor came and said,because of your spine injury and your fixation that you have in your back, you won’t beable to give birth to a That day, I was devastated. I still remember, I ask my mother, why me,and that is where I started to question my existence. Why am I even alive? What’s the point of living? I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t paint, fine. I cannot be a mother and we have this thingin our head being women that we are incomplete without. Having children, I am going to be an incompletewoman for the rest of my life. What’s the point? People are scared that they think I will getdivorced. What is going to happen to me? Why me? Why Am I alive?

We all try to chase this tunnel. We all do this. Because we see lights at the end of the tunnelwhich keeps us going. My dear friends, in my situation, there wasa tunnel that I had to roll on but there was no light. And that is where I realized the words havethe power to heal the soul. My mother said to me that this two sell-pass. God has a greater plan for you. I don’t know what it is. But he surely has. And all in that distress and grief, words were so magical that they kept me going. I was trying to put my smile on my face allthe time hiding the pain. It was so hard to hide the pain which wasthere. But all I knew was that I will give up, mymother and brother will give up too. I cannot see them crying with me. So what kept me going was one day I askedmy brother, I know, I have a deformed hand but I am tired of looking at these white wallsin the hospital and wearing this white scraps. I am getting tired of this. I want to add more colors to my life. I want to do something. Bring me some colors, I want to paint. so the very first painting I made was on mydeathbed.

It was not just an art piece or not just mypassion. It was my therapy. What an amazing therapy it was. without saying a single word, I could paintmy heart out. I could share my story. People used to come and say, ‘wow, whata lovely painting’. so much color, nobody sees the grief in it. Only I could. So that’s how I spend my two and a halfmonths in the hospital. Lying, never complaining or whining but painting. And then I was discharged. And I went back home. and I realized that I have developed a lotof pressure ulcers on my back, on my hipbone. I was unable to sit. There were a lot of infections all over mybody, a lot of allergies. So Doctor wanted me to lie down on the………………………………………………………../////????

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